Journal Entry 4- Plunge Into Blackness
Today I went to a carnival in East Lansing. I am so terrified of reiterating the occurrences of this day, that my pen seems to have come to a standstill. I look down at it. This silver utensil which should be helping me to put down my thoughts resembles a stalagmite more, because it will sit with endless patience in the same place. I’m having a hard time getting it to move.
Today in East Lansing, there was a carnival being held on Noname Boulevard. Well, something like that. I can’t really remember the name of the Boulevard. It sounded like ‘no name,’ for some reason. That is a bit ironic, because I wish that the boulevard and the entire location would have been nameless destinations that had sank into oblivion, for then I would not have gone to Noname Boulevard and I wouldn’t have had this day.
I have always been able to swim. I’ve always been an excellent swimmer! In school I’d swim several laps around the pool in just a few minutes, faster than anyone on the school swim team. Each time I jumped in the water, the coolness that I felt as my body sank in a deep, blissful submergence, seeped through all of my veins and the pores of my skin. This refreshing stimulus sent cold charges soaring, and dancing happily throughout my body in the natural arcs created by the human frame, that immediately invigorated me. When it came to swimming, I had always been able to just do it. And I keep asking myself, what possibly could have been different about today.
I had been bored with all of the somersaulting, slaphappy antics of the carnival. Therefore, my senses pulled me across the way towards a lake on the other side of where the melee of tents, screaming children, clowns, jugglers, unicycles, and other fantasies come to life, stubbornly persisted in making their racket. I wanted to get away from what I considered to be usurpation of human peace. Was that so terrible? Apparently some force must have thought so.
After tossing a brief aside to my mother so that she’d know I was leaving, I, being enchanted by the lake a few miles down the grassy stretch that seemed deserted, made towards it.
Sparkling clear blue water rose towards me, offering me a dazzling blanket of pure sheen that glinted beneath the warm sun. As my feet met with the soft sand of the bank encircling the lake, I lost my balance due to the slight declination. I tripped. A second later I landed hard on my rear end, smacking into the sand. It didn’t bother me, though. I burrowed myself in the ground slightly, enjoying the warmth of the granulated element. I smiled, turning my face up towards the sun as I flipped my sandals off my feet so that I could wiggle my toes freely. Upon that moment, a slight shuffling sound behind me sharpened my senses so that I tuned into my surroundings. Making a move to turn and look to seek the out the source of the shuffling, my efforts were cut short. An arm had encircled my head.
I tried to scream. My mouth was covered by a thick, black sleeve, so tightly that the fabric was actually pushing its way into my mouth, suffocating me. Dizziness enshrouded me, and I began to see white creeping into my peripheral vision.
Terror coursing through me, I started making towards the water with a strength that was foreign to me, forcing my unseen captor along with me. Whoever it was obviously had to be a man, judging by the vice-like grip of the muscular arm holding me. Because we were only inches away from the shoreline though when he’d decided to make his play, fierce struggling was enough to bully him into the water with me. Even with my heart beating out of my chest, my instincts were leading me. I knew that if I was able to make this a lake battle, I would be able to out-swim this person.
I think something akin to children’s water fights must have been taking place. The very polished tips of my innate survival tools plunged into my soul, forcing me into flight mode. I fought vigorously to paddle away, my arms and legs splashing wildly, not stopping for an instant to look at my pursuer. Because of this, I still have no idea who this person was.
I could not swim though. I was swimming in a- normal fashion. Like someone- my arms and legs plowing through like the broken swirling blade of a jacked-up lawnmower. Something was wrong. They would not generate perfect straight lines of balance. My arms and legs were- trapped. He pinned them down so that I could not swim like a dolphin through the water, moving with the beautiful grace of power that had always been my unique trademark. That special gift was suppressed. I screamed.
All I remember is a deep plunge downward. I can’t- get my pen to move. I went down, so deep, black fabric and strings of green seaweed, the tails of slipping minnows and my own slipping from them. I slipped further and further into an abyss of black fabric. The fabric became one with the world of dark blue. Pretty soon, I could not distinguish between the two.
And then the light. I lay gasping, like a fish thrown out of the sea. People surrounded me. Jabbering. I was puking. I feel sick. I can’t write anymore.