My Heart, I Can't Find You
my heart . . .
my heart was glad then.
As you made me lie with you,
on the grass,
I said to you, that,
we might live forever like this.
In this happy band of circling,
where all was light and hope without us,
the angels, giving back naught,
for no matter what our frolics portrayed,
angels we were b'neath halos.
My mother, she said we were happiest,
before an arc in the meadow,
here, she said, our betrothal was,
like a gilded framing silvery wispy,
for here beneath the green arc of bushel,
we were like unto Him.
We were like unto God,
here, with the most pure, satisfactory love,
and with the wand the Almighty waved,
our arc was a silvery sheen of the great beyond . . .
ah . . . long were those days!
How sweet the nights were.
You would kiss me under the maple,
and I would take out my money bag,
and then I'd say,
'how much for one kiss?'
'Two dollars . . . '
Then you'd laugh,
and I would smile,
before we both became serious,
as the tears my eyes flooded,
before like sunshine on the storm you would,
wash away the flood,
even though it was happy.
So long ago,
but it seems like yesterday,
when I would,
hold you in my arms,
as you cried big roaring tears,
within your breast,
that was demonstrated,
by only a tremble.
I'd tell you to 'shush,'
'it is okay,'
and you, in your masculinity divine,
would simply bury your head in me,
so I could caress the hair, away,
like your shame.
Oh dear heart,
these memories long past,
so complicated were our sorrows then, it seemed.
How precious they were and how filled with glad,
for we in our most sincere love were embodiment of Heaven's bliss.
now, my sweet darling,
where have you gone?
I miss you so.
I reach my arms, only to cloudy mist.
Will you ever reappear?
I wish it were not, that way again,
but one day, I trust, my heart,
I will be an angel too . . .
we'll both be, on that happy day . . .